thebeautyholder

Redefining YOUR Beauty…


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Collective Dress Haul 2017 |👗

Hey Loves,

It’s Fri-YAY!!! I feel like I have been anxiously awaiting the weekend for a couple of days. Honestly, I do not like to wish the days away but it has been one of those weeks. How are y’all doing? How are things?

Excited to be blogging and vlogging and getting back to me again! There is something about expressing yourself in an unapologetic way. Just being who you are and seriously making no apologies for that! I digress…

Building the confidence to wear dresses again has been an uphill battle. The confidence in dresses is one thing but the confidence overall in this new body of mine is another. More on confidence coming soon. You can always check here for some tips that have worked for me in the past. I did not think I would be able to rock bandage dresses or even mini dresses so this has pushed my fashion in a different direction.

So I recently went on a shopping spree… for some occasionwear for a couple of events I have coming up. These dresses made me feel beautiful and put a smile on my face that did not leave so I knew they were winners! One was my Valentine’s dress… can you guess which one? Let me know which is your fave! Shoutout to SOUNDATION whose new song ‘WAITING’ is used in the video. Link to the song is in video description box!

  1. Hold Your Head Bandage Dress | Dark Orange | Size S | Fashion Nova
  2. Ripple Dress | Black | UK 8 | Lipsy
  3. Mesh Ruched Bodycon Dress | Floral Print | UK 8 | Missguided
  4. Morticia Dress | Black | Size S | Fashion Nova
  5. Plunge Bandage Dress Midi | Rose | UK 10 | Missguided
  6. Kocktails Bandage Dress | Deep Red | Size S | Fashion Nova
  7. Nature Made Dress | Denim Blue | Size S | Fashion Nova
  8. Off the Shoulder Jumpsuit | Grey | UK 10 | Missguided
  9. Nova Boost Jumpsuit | Black | Size S | Fashion Nova with Duster Coat | Pink | UK 8 | Primark 

For my thoughts and feelings about Fashion Nova, watch this video below.

Hope you enjoyed this post. I have some beauty related ones coming up for you next as I know my old school followers have missed them!

Appreciate you steady supporting me and I thank you 🙂

Big hugs and extra besos 💋

TBH! xoxo


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I’m Back and Better!👌🏾

Hey Loves,

This first sentence has been written so many times and backspaced just as many. I mean how do I honestly start off this post considering I haven’t written one in so long! Actually, that is not all the way true. I have been blogging in my mind for the past 8 or so months; those thoughts have just not made their way out of the chambers in my mind. I guess some have broken free now and it feels good to say I’m back and I’m better! What does that even mean, though? Sounded good when Bryson Tiller’s dulcet tones sang it in ‘Don’t’ but in my world, it means more than I may be able to express right now.

I wanted to take a break from social media. I wanted to take some time for myself, to understand some of the things I was going through. I wanted some of my mental to catch up with my physical change. Yes, I intentionally chose the word wanted! I needed to look after my health, which was telling me I was a priority and not an afterthought. I wanted to look in the mirror and not pick myself apart because what I saw did not match up to what was ‘liked’ in the fickle beauty industry.

You see, no matter how confident we appear we all have inner battles that require us to reset our thinking so we can remind ourselves how AWESOME we are! Awesome AF! Rewiring some of my thinking has pushed me. Challenged me. Trained me. Strengthened me. Life has taken a series of interesting turns and I am grateful to God for seeing me through. Learning, evolving and continuing to focus on being the BEST me I can be… NO LIMITS!

So yes, your girl is back and better! Better in part also to many of you and your fantastic messages and love. Big thanks to those of you who got in touch telling me that you missed the blog. Missed me, and my small contribution in the form of this blog that does its own thing. Thank you for encouraging me and for sharing ways I have inspired you. Those that know me, know that I really love this blog and what it represents. The strange goings on from a chick that loves family, friends, Brooklyn, music, makeup Trey Songz and so much more! I have missed you all and pray that you are good and life is all it needs to be for you right now- especially in these trying times!

I’m gonna end by saying THANK YOU to everyone who voted for me in the Best Makeup Artist 💄 category at last year’s AFRO MODEL AWARDS! I don’t think I will ever get over the shock of winning. It was very soon after that night that I took time out. I put shout-outs on Twitter and Facebook but let me holla on here too. I am so grateful and blessed at the recognition and hope it raises your spirits and reminds you that you can do and be anything you want to. No matter your age or the stage you’re at in life! Your journey is in your hands!

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Wishing you all the love in the universe… see you in the next post!

Besos! 💋

TBH! xoxo

p.s. I know for some there are more questions and things you want to know. Not everything is for the blog and what is will be on the blog in due course!


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A letter to my younger self…(part 1)

Darling Donna-Marie,

There is so much that I want to tell you that I don’t know where to start. I am both anxious and excited at the same time wanting to tell you of what is to come. Somewhat apprehensive about how your 16 year old mind will process some of it. Happy at the thought that most of it will make you smile. Don’t worry, I promise not to spoil or give too much away! It will be like crib notes…giving you the low down, without giving you the answers, I think!

Let me start by telling you how proud I am of you. Pride in the purest form that is making my heart race as I write to you. You have become a strong, independent woman. Smart, funny and cheeky which are characteristics you pass on to someone else who I will tell you a little more about in part 2. That could be anyone so stop trying to guess. Some of this may make you cry and that is ok. Those tears will bring you strength like you’ve never known. Some of it will make you laugh. The moment that make you cringe, imagine how I felt.

We made it to 40. Praise God! 40 years of stuff you couldn’t even imagine at 16. Some of it you did imagine, the rest, well, you didn’t imagine it and that’s probably for the best. I know how impatient you can be at times (that doesn’t change much by the way) so let me give you some quick hits on what I know you’ll wanna hear first! The only spoilers are the ones I know you have to know at 16.

  • Brenda and Dylan don’t make it on 90210
  • You’re still a dork
  • You end up going to more than one prom (and you look super cute)
  • You will eventually be over Puff Daddy (who changes his name a million times) and it will be all about Trey Songz who will follow you on ‘Twitter’
  • You grow into your teeth and your gap doesn’t close
  • You will never rock a jheri curl again.
  • We need to talk about your eyebrows. Don’t listen to anyone who says they are on ‘fleek’.
  • Who told you to wear timbs with everything?
  • You do not stay skinny forever so appreciate your body. Especially your boobs!
  • You will always be a Daddy’s Girl 
  • You will stop wearing black liner and red lipstick… for a while.
  • You will NEVER tire of popping your booty to Miami Bass. You’re always gonna be that girl!
  • Carlene will be taller than you!
  • You will go natural with your hair.
  • Dwane and Whitley from A Different World get married!!!!!!
  • You’re not married…YET!

Ok! Ok! So I know you’re panicking at the thought of the first and the last ones the most because like seriously, how are Brenda and Dylan not together. Cause that in your mind translates to you not ever finding the one… *sigh*. Girl, don’t worry. Your time will come. you have far too much living and learning to do before marriage comes your way. Just keep reading, I will explain.

The rest of your teens…

You still move around a bit and whilst life in Florida is fun and hot you’ll end up finishing out High School in New York! Not before the infamous car accident with Fitz after homecoming. Or spending endless moments with Teresa and Lish or Yajaira and Linda. Stealing (borrowing) Erica’s clothes to look more grown up or having your baby Sis follow you everywhere and secretly love it.

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When you do make it back to the big Apple it will instantly be like you never left and you will love it. In fact some of the closest people to you now are still there. Aunty Annie, your cousins, Boopsie and the whole e.98th crew make New York your city of dreams. Chilling on the stoop with Adrian, Larry, Ty was like nothing else. We used to run that block. Tilden is seriously everything it needs to be for you and more. Your time with Michelle and her family will make you feel so loved. Filling a void that you craved. You will transition so much from the island girl you once were in the big city. It will still be very hard to shake the pain and demons from life in St.Vincent. What you went through at age 11 will haunt you for a long time to come but will eventually share it. I couldn’t protect you but you will be ok. More than ok.  As traumatic as it was you were so very brave and strong.  It was not your fault and you can’t keep blaming yourself. You never have to go back there. Ever!

It will take time to trust people and that is ok. It will take time to confide in people and that is ok too. You will learn to forgive and trust yourself first and then it will all fall into place. Aunty Annie will be the first one to help. Don’t be so hard on her ok? Even when she tries to embarrass you by screaming ‘Donna’ down Church Ave.

You will finally be reunited with your Daddy and Brother in England when you leave New York. You will be sad to leave your family, friends and love behind and you will write lots of letters and make calls. Start saving now cause those international calls will not be cheap! And yes, you will go back again and again and again. Ever since you left the city, you got exactly what you asked for…(kinda) running out of pages in your passport!

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London Calling…

It takes a while for you to adjust to being in the UK. Between you and I, I honestly do not think you ever really do. Sorry but not really sorry. It takes your Daddy some time to adjust to his little girl not being so little. Let’s not even talk about boys. Needless to say when you started talking about bringing boys home to meet him that conversation lasted 3 hours too long. You make him so happy though and he makes you just as happy. Daddy’s girl always.

College life was not the easiest. Some of the girls are nice to your face but behind your back not so nice. They couldn’t understand why you dressed like the boys and why the boys liked you. They will say it is because of your accent. I say it’s because you’re Donna-Marie, DUH! You still have loads of fun and meet some awesome people. Raphael, T-Bone and Mark will be your college homeboys.  You meet Jade, Jessica and Ify who you have so much in common with. Jade especially is like your own guardian angel which I don’t even think she knows. They will help you find your feet in Stanmore and the ends. Oh yes! You thought US slang was something… wait till you get to the UK. Butters! Stooshe! These words will still be giving you night dreams in your 40s.

Ok, so we have to talk about boys. I know we said lets not but we kinda have to. Boys will like you. You will like boys. Boys will stink. Boys will smell like Polo aftershave. Boys will wear baggy pants and jansports and you will act like you have no sense. They will wear jeans with clouds on them! Seriously clouds! You will hate boys. Boys will have American accents but live in the UK and you will think you’re in love. Boys will be sweet. Boys will be jerks. You will break hearts and you will get your heart broken. You will look for love in all the wrong places (that will be your jam). You will find love in the right places but at the wrong time. Boys will become men and they will still stink at times but not as much as when they were boys.

Grown and Sexy…

I do not remember how this became your tag line. Daddy would surely slap you for being so extra. Along with Caramel Angel as your alter ego everything. You do not get to be in a Puffy (one of his many name changes) video. You think you’re sexy because you think your life is one big RnB video. It’s a good thing you weren’t in a video. Music will continue to be your everything as you become a young woman. You don’t miss a soca jam. Blame Raph and Tyrone for that. Oh, and Andrea too. You like to party hard. On sheer adrenalin though! No substances involved, phew. Your over the shoulder pose will be your signature pose. Why? Why? Oh and really with the white ankle boots and that dress. Really? IMG_3801

You will be more responsible. Working , studying and growing. That job at Ikea was like your school of hard knocks. Literally. Your friendships with work colleagues, college buddies and high school friends evolve. Some for the better and some for the worst. You are little Ms. popular.  Involved in everything. It doesn’t always bode well but you are good at learning lessons…sometimes. Luckily you had Tamora! Tam never judged you and always made learning some of those lessons a little easier. Side note: Your tattoos are real and not henna like you tried to tell Daddy. Naomi was your twin. She was everything to you and more. Plus her daughter was yours too. You just did not give birth to her. Your friendship with Ni was like having a Sister and Best friend in one. With everything that came along with it.

You think you’re grown because the numbers of your age increase each year but in some ways you’re still that little girl searching and hoping that you’ll make your Mom proud one day. That is one relationship that you’ll still be working on to this day and beyond. You are grown enough to get a mortgage and your first property. No longer living with Daddy had perks and now you had to be serious about everything. You do it though and you will own more property in the future. Yay! You! I mean Me! Yay, US!!!

Love Yourself…

I remember you always thinking you weren’t good enough. Being 16 (sixteen) is tough I know.  That no one would love you. Why would they. What was there to love? Yourself maybe? Well you don’t really find that out until much later but I promise you there is ALOT to love. Just don’t give up ok? Even when it seems like you can’t face any more. DO NOT GIVE UP! You have your toughest trial to come and there is no one that can fight this battle like you can.

We are only half way through and I am gonna finish up here. I bet your facial expression is like this! Ha! I know you so well. You can’t have the entire cheat sheet! That would be no fun. You can’t have come out too bad…right?

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I love you…always Don-Don, Doughnut, Danger Mouse, Donette (I will stop here)!

Me! (Who is You) only older! XOXO

P.S I will write more soon!

P.P.S This letter is being written on a blog. You will have no idea what that is. Like Twitter and some of the other things I mentioned. I won’t tell you to google it. Just trust me. The world becomes a scary but advanced place… in some respects anyway.

 

 

 

 


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So, I’m 40! Now what?!

Hey Loves,

I’m still on a blogging streak and I hope that you are enjoying the current posts populating your mailboxes. I know there have been through peaks and troughs with my blog but I am glad that you all have stuck with me. Please remember you can comment and share your thoughts on anything I post. I love interacting with you!

This is one of those posts I have been writing in my mind for a while. I don’t know why the thought of turning 40 brought about so much anxiety. Actually, I do know. It’s because for most of my life I have put unnecessary pressure on myself to have certain things done before 40 and not all of them have materialised. On my birthday,  I sat and thought…

So, you’re 40! Now what?!

So you’re not married, yet! So you haven’t had more children! You haven’t travelled the world and become the dancer you thought you would when you were little. You’ve been hurt by those closest to you. You’ve not got money like you once did. Blah, Blah and Blah once more. What I decided to say to all of that and the many other comments beating me with a stick over my head, was SO WHAT!!!

Yep! SO WHAT! I even said it to those people brave enough to comment on my life without knowing anything about me or my life. SO FREAKING WHAT!

It has taken me a while to admit it but I have had a wonderful life in many respects. It has not been without it’s ups and downs but I am grateful to reach the age of 40 and to have accomplished many of the things that I have done. I pretty much had my life planned out by 18 and expected to achieve certain milestones by 25, then 30, then 35 and 40 etc. What I have not done is acknowledge that even the smallest victories have shaped me. The toughest trials have moulded me and through God’s grace I have come out on top.

I have battled severe depression and self harming (which many may not know). I struggle with having a beautiful Son who is on the Autistic Spectrum and all that entails. I have had weight struggles for a large part of my life and have wanted to end my life. I have been betrayed by ‘friends’ and family. I am constantly judged. That is the shortened version. I say this to say that the life I had planned was not what God had planned. I now realise I had to go through this to become stronger and wiser.

So I am 40. I am a number older than I was last year and that number represents so much. It represents in part, my growth, my knowledge, my love and determination to continue to reach for the stars and beyond. To love hard and receive love in return. That my age doesn’t define me or my ability. It doesn’t define what others think of me or my life.

We have become so fixated with judging what we do not understand. If you haven’t lived it, how can you judge it? I may not have the level of success that you want me to have but it doesn’t mean that I do not have success. I may not be married but it doesn’t mean I do not have love or am in love. My Son may not speak but it doesn’t mean he can’t communicate his love in another way- which he does! 

Right now you may be going through something you don’t understand. It hurts and you want it to stop. IT WILL! You’re in a stage of metamorphosis. You are changing from your ‘caterpillar’ form to become the beautiful butterfly version of yourself that is stronger, wiser and more beautiful than you can currently imagine. Don’t give up on you. Don’t give up!

Enjoy life and your journey. Live your life and don’t let it live you. Make mistakes and learn from them. Don’t pressure yourself to react to what the world wants you to. Follow your heart and instinct…no one knows YOU like YOU!

I am blessed to have reached the beautiful butterfly age of 40. Many others have not been as fortunate and I refuse to let another day pass letting the past mistakes I have made hold me back from living a happier and healthier life. Age truly ain’t nothing but a number. A number that increases in health, wealth and strength!

Thank you for sharing this blog with me and on a more personal level some part of my 40 years. Here’s to many more for you and me!

If you are struggling with depression or self harming or anything else I have mentioned in this post. Don’t suffer in silence. Talk to someone you trust and let them help you. Here are some links you may find useful.

Help with depression: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression

Autism: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asd.aspx

Anxiety and Panic Attacks: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.VrETtcdszEY

I also have a blog on finding confidence on your journey that has some tips if you are feeling anxious about things in your life. You can find out more here.

This post is dedicated to my pudding, Elle. I am always here for you. I love you! ❤ xoxo (p.s I have asked Elle if she is ok with me dedicating this blog to her).

Besos 💋

TBH! xoxo

 

 


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Beauty Is… ❤ featuring Mandisa!

Hey Everyone!

It’s Friday…Yay! That means it is time for another Beauty Is… feature. It has been a couple of months since my last one and the aim is to have one each month. This month I am excited to introduce to you Mandisa (you get beauty just from her name)! One of the great things about blogging is that you meet fellow bloggers with the same interests. Mandisa co-writes a blog, DivinelyRooted about natural hair. It is an honest mix of reviews, advice and life with natural hair. Want to find out more about this natural beauty… then read below!

Beautiful Mandisa

1: Do you wear makeup?!If so, when did you start?

-I do, I started at the ripe old age of 24 LOL

2: How would you describe your makeup style?

-Natural and nude.

3: What product can you not live without? (Skincare or makeup)

-I CAN NOT and WILL NOT live without mascara! It’s the easiest thing thing to do that can brighten up your whole face in like, 26 seconds! I keep buying new ones! I’m up to 6 now 🙊🙈

4: Breakdown your beauty regime?

-For an everyday look? I’m a teacher, so it’s very simple. I don’t have time to do too much. Usually it’s just mascara, because I’m always running late. If I want a beat face, I’ll go ahead and do foundation, highlight, contour, eyeshadow, and more!

5: Who is your Beauty Inspiration or icon?

-Rihanna! Her nude looks are to DIE for and I’m still trying to recreate them.

6: Makeup nightmare?

-Not blending my highlight! Yowza!

7: Any tips or secrets?

-To not get mascara everywhere, stick your finger over your eyelid as you apply.

8: In a sentence or two, explain what beauty truly means to you?!

-Beauty to me encompasses the whole person; body, soul, and mind.

Beautifully Beautiful Mandisa

Thank you so very much Mandisa for being beauty personified and taking part in this feature! Don’t forget you can find out more about Mandisa on her blog, Divinely Rooted.

We have a Lyrical Poet with a beautiful voice in next month’s feature. Don’t miss out. Want to be featured? Just email me info@thebeautyholder.com or tweet me @thebeautyholder

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog post!

Have an awesome Friday and weekend!

Besos 💋

TBH! xoxo


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Finding Confidence on YOUR journey…💬

Hey Loves,

I have seriously been receiving so much love regarding my lifestyle change and weight loss journey. Thank you so much for not only reading my story but also sharing it, commenting, liking etc. I didn’t expect it to be such a popular post but I greatly appreciate you taking your time to learn more about me.

This post has somewhat been spurred on by the feedback I have received. My attachment to the wrong foods was a mixture of things but mainly emotional. If I was sad, I ate. If I was upset, I ate. If I was happy to a certain degree, time to celebrate and therefore, I ate. All now past tense. I no longer find comfort in the wrong foods and this is how I did it.

  • Looking BACKWARDS means you can’t see FORWARDS! 

I could not undo all the years of poor eating choices and to keep dwelling on it meant I was not able to move forward. I know firsthand how easy it is to stay stagnant in the pond of self-pity. I made poor choices in the past and I was not about to continue to keep doing it. What has been done has been done. Now time to change it.

  • Raise yourself UP instead of pulling yourself DOWN!

I used to enjoy being negative about myself. It allowed me to have an excuse and I was comfortable with that. If I called myself FAT, UGLY, NASTY and all those horrible words then if someone else did it, it would not hurt as much. I’ve spoken about changing vocabulary in the past. It is so important and something that makes and instant difference. Appreciate how far you have come. Do not allow anyone around you to put you down or use words such as those above to describe you. Compliment yourself and celebrate achievements. I have said it before, big or small they are all YOU and they are all achievements you should be proud of.

  • Feel your EMOTIONS! DEAL with YOUR emotions!

If you have been emotionally attached to food then you are likely to be familiar with this cycle. You feel sad, so you eat (or you don’t eat- which is also another way to be emotionally affected) and eat some more. You overeat until the point that you feel better, then you instantly feel bad for eating so much and that makes you more upset, so you begin eating again. Break that cycle by dealing with the emotion. Many will say easier said than done, but not always. Look at the reason for the emotion. Then ask yourself what the food will do to remove that emotion or banish it or indeed correct it. What I will say is some emotions run deep and you may need additional assistance to help you deal with or support it but try not to use food as that assistance or any other substance for that matter. It can certainly make matters worse in the long run.

Please note: Speaking to a professional or seeking additional help is in no way a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. We can always use extra help and support and sometimes this helps us start a journey and give us the strength and determination to continue!

  • LOVE is ALL around you!

You feel alone and that no one understands you! You are in a room full of people yet you feel lonely. We often push those closest to us away as it is easier to build a wall and isolate yourself than to believe the positivity and love from others. I want you to embrace it. I want you to completely let it engulf you. Immerse yourself in all the goodness and love that is being shown to you. Trust that your family and friends and those who truly know and want the best for you REALLY do want the best for your. Accept compliments with a smile and thank you rather than shooting them down with disbelief. Shower yourself with love. Positive quotes, Bible verses and powerful words of encouragements. Read something first thing in the morning before you leave bed ready to attack the day with a happy heart. Do the same before bed. Pray, meditate, chant and be ready for the goodness that will come to you.

  • Stave off Negativity!

Walk away from it, ignore it and do not let it suck your positivity. It has no place in your life.

  • It has to be YOU!

How often do you actually spend with yourself? Truthfully! Sitting alone in the room checking your phone whilst catching up with your iPad doesn’t really count. Shut down the technology, close the door, light some candles and breathe. Really breathe all the way from deep in your stomach. Tune out everything and everyone. Even if you can only manage 5 mins to begin with, you will be surprised at how much this brings to your life if you find time for you everyday. You can even do it with the family or friends as long as everyone is agreed on how important it is. Just remember you are tuning into YOU!

Believe me when I say that I still have to dig deep for the inner strength at times. It is not always easy but it is achievable My lifestyle change is focused around food and so some of the above where more specific to that. This does not mean that you cannot transfer them to your journey or take elements out to support you on your way.

If you would like to know more about some of the techniques I use on my journey or foods that make me happy or simply anything else, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I am with you all the way!

Hope you enjoyed this post! Thank you…for all the love.

SMILE, LAUGH AND LOVE MORE!

Smile more… the beauty holder

Besos! 💋

TBH! xoxo


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#TransformationTuesday | My Lifestyle Change! 💭

Hey Everyone,

Thanks for joining me. I have been getting requests lately of a more personal nature. Lifestyle, wellbeing etc. Ideally the main focus of my blog has always been beauty and makeup. That being said, the more personal posts prove extremely popular and I guess provides a little more insight into my life as Donna-Marie and not simply, The Beauty Holder!

I will endeavour to share some more of my world with you and broaden my blog into more than just makeup. Thank you for wanting to know more. So here is one of those more personal posts. Let me start by saying that this is a ‘personal’ journey. It is unique to me. Whilst I am not the first (nor will I be the last ) person to embark on a lifestyle change it is important to note that this is how I am doing it. It is not to pass judgement and I can only hope that if nothing else, anyone who needs it is encouraged.

On the 10th November 2014, I took the first steps to changing my lifestyle specifically related to food, health and emotional wellbeing. I talk of a journey and that is how I see it. I was finally ready to stop making excuses and to change things I was unhappy about.

Why now?

Well here is the back story. The short version. A couple days before it was one of my closest friend’s birthday. In fact it was the same person who has been working with me on my fitness and eating. You’ll find out more about Aaron in a bit and the pivotal role he has played as a friend and Personal Trainer. I was trying to find something to wear to his party. Nothing in my closet fit. Nothing in the store fit. Considering I had returned from the US a couple months before with clothes in tow, I was shocked to look in the mirror and really look at myself. When I looked at myself, I didn’t recognise who was staring back at me. My first thought was food and wanting to eat the frustration away. The amount of times I tried to find an excuse to not go the party. I didn’t wanna go and embarrass my friend by looking a mess. That’s how I felt. It was not just the physical it was the emotional side.

Many of you do not know me at all. I can’t sit here and tell you that I have always have an issue with food or my weight as that would be untrue. I had been a slim girl for the majority of my life, all through school and beyond. Yep, even living Stateside and eating everything in sight did nothing to affect my shape. As with many women, it changed after I had my son. Thing is he is 12 years old now, so there is no throwing that up in the mix anymore.

Diddy DM

Why was I overweight? Honest sucks right so here is the ‘sucky’ (got that from LC in The Hills) part.

  1. Bad/ poor eating habits
  2. No exercise
  3. Emotional frustration/ unhappiness/ depression
  4. Laziness
  5. Purposely gaining weight

I honestly did not realise how quickly it crept up on me. The last point above was how I felt when I was really unhappy at things in my life and so I made a conscious effort to gain weight so as to become unattractive to people. Silly Rabbit, tricks really are for kids, as that DID NOT work.

Most of this extra weight has been with me for about 6-7 years. I have fluctuated due to what I thought were quick fixes such as living on shakes and less than 400 calories a day. True to form though the weight crept back on. There were times when I was ok with being a fuller figured chick. Most of the time I was not. For those who want stats, at my biggest (October 2014, I was a size 20\22). I am currently a 14 (some stores a 16). That is in UK size.

DM Then/ Now Then Now/ dm

I knew I was emotionally attached to food earlier on last year, around June.  I started to switch out some of my poor food choices and it was working. I then had a really bad experience at a hair salon (more on that in another post) and I lost it. Food was my comfort and I was back to old habits.

So what changed?

I was tired of the excuses. I was tired of the control food had on me and not the other way round. I was tired of cancelling on friends because I was embarrassed. One of the biggest catalysts was changing to be a better role model for my son. My son is a young person with Autism and diet is a huge part of affecting his behaviour. I not only needed to change for me but for him. This time I had to make it for real.

My amazing friend Aaron deserves every accolade I could award him for truly being there for me. I met him at my old workplace and we have become close friends. He became really passionate about Nutrition and Personal Training and we would talk about it and he would give me tips and hints. At the time I wasn’t ready. He never shoved it in my face but instead remained supportive. After his party we spoke and I told him I was ready to really change my lifestyle and I have not looked back since. Aaron is supportive but firm. He is honest and always at the end of the phone with all my ‘can I do this’ type queries and there are always loads. What for me means the most is that he has not changed how he is with me as a friend because of my size.

What does that mean though?

It means that I am a lot more aware of what I put into my body. I have cut out processed foods and sugar (apart from natural sugar such as fruit). I don’t drink sodas (I was knocking back at least 3 a day). I eat loads more vegetables and balance them with protein and the right carbs. I drink 3L of water a day and love it- apart from the many toilet breaks! I do not take any pills, or supplements, no dietary aids- nothing. This is all done the clean eating and exercise way. The one that people call old fashioned. I guess I am old fashioned then. As a Vegetarian I thought this would never work but it has in so many ways. I have to make this clear. I EAT! I EAT LOTS! I simply eat better! I started working out with A (Aaron) in December 2014 one day a week. We are still at one day a week but as of this week I am going on my own a couple of days. That was a major change as I am not the biggest fan of the ‘gym culture’. I was petrified going it alone today but to be fair no one even noticed me. Yay! It is tough and there are times I want to give up. There are no quick fixes, this is no joke.

The biggest obstacle I faced was myself. My confidence, my ability to believe that I was worth more than what I was doing to myself. That my Son is worth more. You see it is not simply about size but what is inside. Knowing my worth, which is something I happily preach about to my clients but not believing it when it came to me and my life. I want to be healthy. Thick- Healthy cause this girl got some curves and they ain’t going nowhere! It is that simple. This is not just be skinny Donna-Marie and life will be good, it is understanding and educating myself and my family. Knowing that food does not solve my problems and that exercise (not matter how small) can release those chemicals in the body to make you happy. When I feel emotionally drained or happy I don’t reach for food like I did before. As I understand and appreciate more of how to deal with those feelings.

One day at a time. I am a lot older now so my body doesn’t bounce back like before. Every step is an achievement and I celebrate the big with the small. This very precious thing called life is extremely fragile and I for one have taken it for granted for far too long. This is me today- as in literally today…still on my journey posing in the posh bathrooms at Brent Cross!

Me todayStill me today

I want to say a really BIG THANK YOU to Aaron for everything you have done. I would never have been able to get this far without you. I am not there yet but this journey has been made easier having you by my side. I hope everyone at the old workplace will see what I have always seen… someone who has the biggest heart and is all-round pretty AMAZEBALLS!

My fantastic family and friends who do not see size when they see me, you are EVERYTHING!

No matter what journey you are on, you are not alone. Sometimes we need a little support or word of encouragement. This is not about knocking what anyone else does. This works for me. Whatever you do, just do your research (if you’re on a fitness, eating journey). Your journey is YOUR JOURNEY. No-one can start that journey for you but you. You will know when you’re ready. Good Luck!

Hope you enjoyed this little bit of DM. If there is anything else you would like to know then please get in touch.

If you want to get in touch with Aaron, you can find him on Twitter @ManLikeAaron_ or Instagram @aaron_gram

Thank you for reading!

Have a happy and healthy week!

Besos! 💋

TBH! xoxo