thebeautyholder

Hey Loves,

I’m still on a blogging streak and I hope that you are enjoying the current posts populating your mailboxes. I know there have been through peaks and troughs with my blog but I am glad that you all have stuck with me. Please remember you can comment and share your thoughts on anything I post. I love interacting with you!

This is one of those posts I have been writing in my mind for a while. I don’t know why the thought of turning 40 brought about so much anxiety. Actually, I do know. It’s because for most of my life I have put unnecessary pressure on myself to have certain things done before 40 and not all of them have materialised. On my birthday,  I sat and thought…

So, you’re 40! Now what?!

So you’re not married, yet! So you haven’t had more children! You haven’t travelled the world and become the dancer you thought you would when you were little. You’ve been hurt by those closest to you. You’ve not got money like you once did. Blah, Blah and Blah once more. What I decided to say to all of that and the many other comments beating me with a stick over my head, was SO WHAT!!!

Yep! SO WHAT! I even said it to those people brave enough to comment on my life without knowing anything about me or my life. SO FREAKING WHAT!

It has taken me a while to admit it but I have had a wonderful life in many respects. It has not been without it’s ups and downs but I am grateful to reach the age of 40 and to have accomplished many of the things that I have done. I pretty much had my life planned out by 18 and expected to achieve certain milestones by 25, then 30, then 35 and 40 etc. What I have not done is acknowledge that even the smallest victories have shaped me. The toughest trials have moulded me and through God’s grace I have come out on top.

I have battled severe depression and self harming (which many may not know). I struggle with having a beautiful Son who is on the Autistic Spectrum and all that entails. I have had weight struggles for a large part of my life and have wanted to end my life. I have been betrayed by ‘friends’ and family. I am constantly judged. That is the shortened version. I say this to say that the life I had planned was not what God had planned. I now realise I had to go through this to become stronger and wiser.

So I am 40. I am a number older than I was last year and that number represents so much. It represents in part, my growth, my knowledge, my love and determination to continue to reach for the stars and beyond. To love hard and receive love in return. That my age doesn’t define me or my ability. It doesn’t define what others think of me or my life.

We have become so fixated with judging what we do not understand. If you haven’t lived it, how can you judge it? I may not have the level of success that you want me to have but it doesn’t mean that I do not have success. I may not be married but it doesn’t mean I do not have love or am in love. My Son may not speak but it doesn’t mean he can’t communicate his love in another way- which he does! 

Right now you may be going through something you don’t understand. It hurts and you want it to stop. IT WILL! You’re in a stage of metamorphosis. You are changing from your ‘caterpillar’ form to become the beautiful butterfly version of yourself that is stronger, wiser and more beautiful than you can currently imagine. Don’t give up on you. Don’t give up!

Enjoy life and your journey. Live your life and don’t let it live you. Make mistakes and learn from them. Don’t pressure yourself to react to what the world wants you to. Follow your heart and instinct…no one knows YOU like YOU!

I am blessed to have reached the beautiful butterfly age of 40. Many others have not been as fortunate and I refuse to let another day pass letting the past mistakes I have made hold me back from living a happier and healthier life. Age truly ain’t nothing but a number. A number that increases in health, wealth and strength!

Thank you for sharing this blog with me and on a more personal level some part of my 40 years. Here’s to many more for you and me!

If you are struggling with depression or self harming or anything else I have mentioned in this post. Don’t suffer in silence. Talk to someone you trust and let them help you. Here are some links you may find useful.

Help with depression: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression

Autism: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asd.aspx

Anxiety and Panic Attacks: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.VrETtcdszEY

I also have a blog on finding confidence on your journey that has some tips if you are feeling anxious about things in your life. You can find out more here.

This post is dedicated to my pudding, Elle. I am always here for you. I love you! ❤ xoxo (p.s I have asked Elle if she is ok with me dedicating this blog to her).

Besos 💋

TBH! xoxo