thebeautyholder

Redefining YOUR Beauty…


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I’m Back and Better!👌🏾

Hey Loves,

This first sentence has been written so many times and backspaced just as many. I mean how do I honestly start off this post considering I haven’t written one in so long! Actually, that is not all the way true. I have been blogging in my mind for the past 8 or so months; those thoughts have just not made their way out of the chambers in my mind. I guess some have broken free now and it feels good to say I’m back and I’m better! What does that even mean, though? Sounded good when Bryson Tiller’s dulcet tones sang it in ‘Don’t’ but in my world, it means more than I may be able to express right now.

I wanted to take a break from social media. I wanted to take some time for myself, to understand some of the things I was going through. I wanted some of my mental to catch up with my physical change. Yes, I intentionally chose the word wanted! I needed to look after my health, which was telling me I was a priority and not an afterthought. I wanted to look in the mirror and not pick myself apart because what I saw did not match up to what was ‘liked’ in the fickle beauty industry.

You see, no matter how confident we appear we all have inner battles that require us to reset our thinking so we can remind ourselves how AWESOME we are! Awesome AF! Rewiring some of my thinking has pushed me. Challenged me. Trained me. Strengthened me. Life has taken a series of interesting turns and I am grateful to God for seeing me through. Learning, evolving and continuing to focus on being the BEST me I can be… NO LIMITS!

So yes, your girl is back and better! Better in part also to many of you and your fantastic messages and love. Big thanks to those of you who got in touch telling me that you missed the blog. Missed me, and my small contribution in the form of this blog that does its own thing. Thank you for encouraging me and for sharing ways I have inspired you. Those that know me, know that I really love this blog and what it represents. The strange goings on from a chick that loves family, friends, Brooklyn, music, makeup Trey Songz and so much more! I have missed you all and pray that you are good and life is all it needs to be for you right now- especially in these trying times!

I’m gonna end by saying THANK YOU to everyone who voted for me in the Best Makeup Artist 💄 category at last year’s AFRO MODEL AWARDS! I don’t think I will ever get over the shock of winning. It was very soon after that night that I took time out. I put shout-outs on Twitter and Facebook but let me holla on here too. I am so grateful and blessed at the recognition and hope it raises your spirits and reminds you that you can do and be anything you want to. No matter your age or the stage you’re at in life! Your journey is in your hands!

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Wishing you all the love in the universe… see you in the next post!

Besos! 💋

TBH! xoxo

p.s. I know for some there are more questions and things you want to know. Not everything is for the blog and what is will be on the blog in due course!


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So, I’m 40! Now what?!

Hey Loves,

I’m still on a blogging streak and I hope that you are enjoying the current posts populating your mailboxes. I know there have been through peaks and troughs with my blog but I am glad that you all have stuck with me. Please remember you can comment and share your thoughts on anything I post. I love interacting with you!

This is one of those posts I have been writing in my mind for a while. I don’t know why the thought of turning 40 brought about so much anxiety. Actually, I do know. It’s because for most of my life I have put unnecessary pressure on myself to have certain things done before 40 and not all of them have materialised. On my birthday,  I sat and thought…

So, you’re 40! Now what?!

So you’re not married, yet! So you haven’t had more children! You haven’t travelled the world and become the dancer you thought you would when you were little. You’ve been hurt by those closest to you. You’ve not got money like you once did. Blah, Blah and Blah once more. What I decided to say to all of that and the many other comments beating me with a stick over my head, was SO WHAT!!!

Yep! SO WHAT! I even said it to those people brave enough to comment on my life without knowing anything about me or my life. SO FREAKING WHAT!

It has taken me a while to admit it but I have had a wonderful life in many respects. It has not been without it’s ups and downs but I am grateful to reach the age of 40 and to have accomplished many of the things that I have done. I pretty much had my life planned out by 18 and expected to achieve certain milestones by 25, then 30, then 35 and 40 etc. What I have not done is acknowledge that even the smallest victories have shaped me. The toughest trials have moulded me and through God’s grace I have come out on top.

I have battled severe depression and self harming (which many may not know). I struggle with having a beautiful Son who is on the Autistic Spectrum and all that entails. I have had weight struggles for a large part of my life and have wanted to end my life. I have been betrayed by ‘friends’ and family. I am constantly judged. That is the shortened version. I say this to say that the life I had planned was not what God had planned. I now realise I had to go through this to become stronger and wiser.

So I am 40. I am a number older than I was last year and that number represents so much. It represents in part, my growth, my knowledge, my love and determination to continue to reach for the stars and beyond. To love hard and receive love in return. That my age doesn’t define me or my ability. It doesn’t define what others think of me or my life.

We have become so fixated with judging what we do not understand. If you haven’t lived it, how can you judge it? I may not have the level of success that you want me to have but it doesn’t mean that I do not have success. I may not be married but it doesn’t mean I do not have love or am in love. My Son may not speak but it doesn’t mean he can’t communicate his love in another way- which he does! 

Right now you may be going through something you don’t understand. It hurts and you want it to stop. IT WILL! You’re in a stage of metamorphosis. You are changing from your ‘caterpillar’ form to become the beautiful butterfly version of yourself that is stronger, wiser and more beautiful than you can currently imagine. Don’t give up on you. Don’t give up!

Enjoy life and your journey. Live your life and don’t let it live you. Make mistakes and learn from them. Don’t pressure yourself to react to what the world wants you to. Follow your heart and instinct…no one knows YOU like YOU!

I am blessed to have reached the beautiful butterfly age of 40. Many others have not been as fortunate and I refuse to let another day pass letting the past mistakes I have made hold me back from living a happier and healthier life. Age truly ain’t nothing but a number. A number that increases in health, wealth and strength!

Thank you for sharing this blog with me and on a more personal level some part of my 40 years. Here’s to many more for you and me!

If you are struggling with depression or self harming or anything else I have mentioned in this post. Don’t suffer in silence. Talk to someone you trust and let them help you. Here are some links you may find useful.

Help with depression: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression

Autism: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asd.aspx

Anxiety and Panic Attacks: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.VrETtcdszEY

I also have a blog on finding confidence on your journey that has some tips if you are feeling anxious about things in your life. You can find out more here.

This post is dedicated to my pudding, Elle. I am always here for you. I love you! ❤ xoxo (p.s I have asked Elle if she is ok with me dedicating this blog to her).

Besos 💋

TBH! xoxo

 

 


2 Comments

Finding Confidence on YOUR journey…💬

Hey Loves,

I have seriously been receiving so much love regarding my lifestyle change and weight loss journey. Thank you so much for not only reading my story but also sharing it, commenting, liking etc. I didn’t expect it to be such a popular post but I greatly appreciate you taking your time to learn more about me.

This post has somewhat been spurred on by the feedback I have received. My attachment to the wrong foods was a mixture of things but mainly emotional. If I was sad, I ate. If I was upset, I ate. If I was happy to a certain degree, time to celebrate and therefore, I ate. All now past tense. I no longer find comfort in the wrong foods and this is how I did it.

  • Looking BACKWARDS means you can’t see FORWARDS! 

I could not undo all the years of poor eating choices and to keep dwelling on it meant I was not able to move forward. I know firsthand how easy it is to stay stagnant in the pond of self-pity. I made poor choices in the past and I was not about to continue to keep doing it. What has been done has been done. Now time to change it.

  • Raise yourself UP instead of pulling yourself DOWN!

I used to enjoy being negative about myself. It allowed me to have an excuse and I was comfortable with that. If I called myself FAT, UGLY, NASTY and all those horrible words then if someone else did it, it would not hurt as much. I’ve spoken about changing vocabulary in the past. It is so important and something that makes and instant difference. Appreciate how far you have come. Do not allow anyone around you to put you down or use words such as those above to describe you. Compliment yourself and celebrate achievements. I have said it before, big or small they are all YOU and they are all achievements you should be proud of.

  • Feel your EMOTIONS! DEAL with YOUR emotions!

If you have been emotionally attached to food then you are likely to be familiar with this cycle. You feel sad, so you eat (or you don’t eat- which is also another way to be emotionally affected) and eat some more. You overeat until the point that you feel better, then you instantly feel bad for eating so much and that makes you more upset, so you begin eating again. Break that cycle by dealing with the emotion. Many will say easier said than done, but not always. Look at the reason for the emotion. Then ask yourself what the food will do to remove that emotion or banish it or indeed correct it. What I will say is some emotions run deep and you may need additional assistance to help you deal with or support it but try not to use food as that assistance or any other substance for that matter. It can certainly make matters worse in the long run.

Please note: Speaking to a professional or seeking additional help is in no way a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. We can always use extra help and support and sometimes this helps us start a journey and give us the strength and determination to continue!

  • LOVE is ALL around you!

You feel alone and that no one understands you! You are in a room full of people yet you feel lonely. We often push those closest to us away as it is easier to build a wall and isolate yourself than to believe the positivity and love from others. I want you to embrace it. I want you to completely let it engulf you. Immerse yourself in all the goodness and love that is being shown to you. Trust that your family and friends and those who truly know and want the best for you REALLY do want the best for your. Accept compliments with a smile and thank you rather than shooting them down with disbelief. Shower yourself with love. Positive quotes, Bible verses and powerful words of encouragements. Read something first thing in the morning before you leave bed ready to attack the day with a happy heart. Do the same before bed. Pray, meditate, chant and be ready for the goodness that will come to you.

  • Stave off Negativity!

Walk away from it, ignore it and do not let it suck your positivity. It has no place in your life.

  • It has to be YOU!

How often do you actually spend with yourself? Truthfully! Sitting alone in the room checking your phone whilst catching up with your iPad doesn’t really count. Shut down the technology, close the door, light some candles and breathe. Really breathe all the way from deep in your stomach. Tune out everything and everyone. Even if you can only manage 5 mins to begin with, you will be surprised at how much this brings to your life if you find time for you everyday. You can even do it with the family or friends as long as everyone is agreed on how important it is. Just remember you are tuning into YOU!

Believe me when I say that I still have to dig deep for the inner strength at times. It is not always easy but it is achievable My lifestyle change is focused around food and so some of the above where more specific to that. This does not mean that you cannot transfer them to your journey or take elements out to support you on your way.

If you would like to know more about some of the techniques I use on my journey or foods that make me happy or simply anything else, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I am with you all the way!

Hope you enjoyed this post! Thank you…for all the love.

SMILE, LAUGH AND LOVE MORE!

Smile more… the beauty holder

Besos! 💋

TBH! xoxo


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Happy New Me!

Happy Year to you! Happy New Year to your families, friends and indeed everyone, everywhere!

HappyNewYou

Photo credit: google images

I have been away for a little bit trying to evaluate some things. This blog included. I felt anxious, fearful and confused about whether or not to continue this blog as I tried to figure out whether or not I really had a voice that people wanted to hear. My mind was full of all the negative energy that eats away at your creativity and self-belief. My sisters in blog and also special friends, Kaye (Beautiful Kayekie) and Amanda (Etta’s Threads) supported and helped me understand what I was feeling. Ultimately their advice along with some prayer and internal dialogue brought me back.

I love BLOGGING. I LOVE MY BLOG! I guess I felt like I was letting you guys down by not blogging as often as I would like. I felt like my content may have become redundant and a little boring for some of you. So I needed to regroup and reevaluate. I am back and feeling better than ever, New Me (blogging me) and New Year!

So what does this new blogging me look like? Well, let’s just say it will include lots of ways for you to interact with me. More make-up, beauty, hair, skin care and so much more. I don’t want to give it all away now but let’s just say you will be hearing a whole lot more from me in 2014 and beyond.

Thank you for sticking around and not giving up on me. Thanks for every comment that you make, every share, every like or every discussion about me or my blog. Thank you for being understanding and more importantly for giving up your time to check out what I have to say.

Special Thank you to Kaye and Amanda. I truly love you guys. You mean more to me than I truly express!

Happy New Yearmay it be filled with the love and laughter that give life extra measure!

Besos!

The Beauty Holder! xoxo

Later: My Blog in Review! 2013 on rewind!

Tomorrow: My favourite products of 2013